Working At It

Well, I am ready to be a great guitar player, an amazing song writer, and a patient and gracious person. It’s funny that none of these things just come over me in the middle of the night; they won’t just show up 10 years from now without a bit of practice and life lived in the mean time. Truly I’m not quite sure how to get where I want to be in these things. Other than trying and failing and learning in the process. So, although I’m not satisfied with where I’m at in any of these areas and even am embarrassed with my shortcomings I’ve decided I might as well keep trying.
Here are some thoughts I wrote down last night.

I throw around a lot of words
In attempt to communicate what’s on my mind
But words most of the time fall short
Of what I’m feeling in my soul
Singing helps a bit more to describe the emotions
I’m trying and yet so long my music has been silent
And so here I stand
With a full heart
And no way to pour it out
And so I ask that You Oh God
Would give the song that I long to sing.

Writing 2

I remember a time when all I had was clean and neatly folded
I’d beat myself wishing I could claim
True and free life in abundance
And so I squeezed all of my life
In a little box
Afraid if opened the world would see
That there were still some things
I didn’t have together
At some point
I even hid my pride from myself
Playing a lying game
believing I was beyond the need for tidying

I spoke of love and life and joy
All the while dismissing the nagging
The sensing that there must be more
Beyond my understanding

I’ve searched for one sum of an answer
And in away I’ve been appeased
And yet more each day I’m finding
The vastness of the simple answer
is more than I’m comprehending

I feel as a drunk
Desperate for more
And never am quite satisfied
Longing for the day I will have relief
From my own patronizing

And yet in a strange way
I’m enveloped in some sort of blanket of alright
knowing that I’m loved beyond comprehension.